We’re growing again! Meet Neil, our new Shine Network Support Officer. In this post, Neil shares his experience of having a malignant brain tumour and talks about how his life post-diagnosis led him to working for Shine.
Hi everyone! My name’s Neil and I’m Shine’s new Network Support Officer. I am originally from Scotland but these days I live in North London. Previously I worked for a mental health charity which focused on social inclusion and co-working with volunteers, and I have been a member of Shine for a few years now. It brings me so much joy that I am now able to join Shine in supporting young adults after a cancer diagnosis.
I first discovered Shine while I was awaiting an oncology appointment at the Royal Marsden Hospital. In November 2016, when I was just 26 years old, I was diagnosed with a medulloblastoma, which is a cancerous brain tumour. I was working as a bar manager but was told by doctors that due to my dizziness, partial deafness and fatigue, I wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. It was a real shock to me that I wasn’t this invincible person that I’d always thought I was! I had surgery, followed by radiotherapy, and then a difficult recovery. During this time I suffered with some mental health issues. I moved back to Scotland after my diagnosis and my family and friends did such a wonderful job supporting me. While at home I attended counselling through Maggie’s which helped me to begin to understand all the trauma that had come from having cancer. When I moved back to London I started CBT therapy. This was awesome and I believe it really changed my life. I hadn’t realised that I had quite a negative voice inside my head, and being kind to myself continues to be such an integral part to my mental well-being.
I was unemployed and having an awful time with my benefits, so I really wanted to get back to work as soon as I was ready. I went to my first Shine meet-up after days cooped up at home, and I thought they must have found me annoying as I had so much energy! To my delight I was completely wrong and I really enjoyed being around people who just ‘got it’. Some people in my life didn’t care about me as much as I had thought they did, and I found myself in a really lonely place. The meet-ups helped with this, but since my treatment I had been quite shy about meeting new people and without working, I struggled to understand my place in society. I saw a post in Shine’s private Facebook group that invited men to apply for the Great Escape, a weekend in Bournemouth for 22 young adults affected by cancer. I applied and was accepted. It was life-changing for me (totally amazing!), and really made me want to focus on moving forward with my life. I met some lifelong friends and would highly recommend anyone who is interested to apply.
At my next Shine meet-up Clare, one of the London Network Leaders, recommended that I try some volunteering in my ongoing search for employment. I felt totally lost as I didn’t have a clue what I could do with no exam results (I was a naughty wee boy!), but I managed to start volunteering at a youth homeless shelter. I loved this. Many of the residents had mental health issues and I realised I had a keen interest in supporting this. I also recognised myself in some of them. After this I began volunteering for a charity that supports people with mental health issues. After two months I applied for a job at the charity and I was successful. I broke down in tears when they called me – and then I phoned my parents afterwards and sobbed away again! It felt like such a difficult road but I had got there, and my kind voice in my head gave me lots of compliments!
Since my treatment I had struggled with a loss of confidence, which was especially noticeable when dating! Complimenting someone when on a date was just beyond me, and I would get quite upset afterwards if I didn’t think that the date had gone well. Clare and Jess (another Shine London Network Leader) host a dating session at Shine Connect, which is Shine’s annual conference and the only one in the UK supporting young cancer patients in their 20s, 30s and 40s. I picked up some tips from them which really helped me to just treat each date as ‘practice’ and not get myself so hyped up beforehand. My best mate also kept on at me to ‘get the old Neil back!’. These days my confidence is much better.
After eight months in my charity role, I noticed that Shine was hiring for a Network Support Officer. I realised that the experience that I had in my current position, and the skills I’d picked up in previous management roles, made me a very suitable candidate – so I applied. Learning that my interview had been successful was another life-defining moment for me. And that really just brings us to now!
I am really passionate about helping people and I believe that that is my purpose on this world. If I could’ve spoken to myself during my bad times, I would’ve told myself to keep going. Don’t beat yourself up, and things will get better. Be patient and just take everything one day at a time. Make sure you are kind to yourself!
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I hope to see you at an event soon!