Taking care: How and why ‘carers’ also need support

A few years ago, the partners of a couple of Shine members approached us about starting a ‘Plus Ones’ group. Having cancer is tough, they noted – but so is supporting someone with cancer. We started our Plus Ones group online and it’s continued to grow over the years. As we’ve worked more on supporting the supporters, we’ve also learned more about the issues that they can face.

In this blog, Dr. Jason Spendelow (one of Shine’s original Plus Ones) outlines some of the issues that ‘carers’ often face when supporting someone with a life-limiting illness. We know a lot of Plus Ones don’t consider themselves carers (78%, according to a recent survey that Shine carried out!) but we hope this gives you some insight into the support that someone looking after a young adult with cancer might need.


 

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Those who provide significant levels of care to another person are more than twice as likely to suffer from poor health than non-carers.

While carers do report many positive experiences, the physical and psychological wellbeing of this group is often compromised due to the stress associated with the support they provide. Those who provide significant levels of care to another person are more than twice as likely to suffer from poor health than non-carers (Carers UK, 2004). When asked directly, the vast majority (84%) of carers said that caring had a negative impact on their health (Carers UK 2013). Carer wellbeing, then, is a particularly important topic in cancer and other chronic illnesses. Carers provide a huge amount of support to loved ones affected by these illnesses. This means it is even more crucial that we take care of the carers.

Mental & Physical Health

We have an increasingly large pile of research available on carer wellbeing. From this, we know that psychological issues are among the most commonly reported difficulties amongst carers (Stenberg et al 2010). An important concept here is ‘carer burden’, which refers to negative emotional experiences that occur from providing care. The level of carer burden varies from person to person, with higher levels of burden being linked to female carers, living with the care receiver, spending large amounts of time caring, being socially isolated, under financial stress, and having no choice in becoming a carer (Adelman et al 2014).

Carers can experience a range of psychological difficulties. Some of the most common issues tend to be low mood and depressive symptoms, elevated levels of stress and anxiety, and lower quality of life (see for example, Braun et al 2007; Pinquart 2017, and Easter, Sharpe and Hunt 2015). Rates of depressive and/or anxiety disorders are higher amongst adult carers when compared to the general population. These figures do not mean that you are destined to develop such psychological issues, but carers are clearly more vulnerable. In late 2016, Shine carried out a survey of Plus Ones and found that 58% had experienced stress, and 77% had experienced anxiety.

Workshop photo 1

Shine’s first Plus One workshop covered how to cope with anxiety.

In addition to psychological difficulties, carers can experience decline in their overall physical health. Physical health problems vary and range from fatigue to insomnia, headache and gastrointestinal issues (Jassem et al 2015).

Positive Experiences

Despite the physical and psychological challenges discussed above, many carers can also identify positive aspects of their experience. Some of the reported positive experiences included being able to give back to someone, knowing the person is being well cared for, improved relationships, personal growth, and an enhanced sense of meaning or purpose (American Psychological Association 2018). Finding meaning and purpose is an experience reported across several groups of carers (Carers UK 2004). Being able to help is a source of satisfaction for many carers, while ‘giving back’ to someone and having an equal or reciprocal relationship are other positive outcomes (Spendelow, Adam and Fairhurst 2017; Buchanan et al 2009), Ribeiro and Paul 2008). The relevance to wellbeing is that experiencing positives from caring help people to cope better with the stress that comes their way.

Taking care of yourself

Your wellbeing is influenced by many factors. Believing that just one ‘thing’ is the cause of any experienced psychological difficulties is usually inaccurate and unhelpful. Attempts to improve your wellbeing, therefore, usually involves taking several factors into consideration. Look, I could bang on here about all the things you know you should be doing already: getting plenty of sleep, exercising, and eating vegetables. Yes, this is all true and fundamental to your health. But I won’t repeat the same advice given millions of times already.

Perhaps a more useful strategy is to ask ‘What barriers stop you from taking better care of yourself?’ and, more importantly, ‘What can you do about these barriers?’. Some barriers are physical: for instance, you don’t think you have time to look after yourself. Other barriers are psychological. For example, some carers feel that it is selfish to prioritise themselves over the loved one they support. Asking what barriers exist (and why) helps work out what might have gone wrong with previous failed attempts to take better care of yourself. These barriers need to be directly addressed, otherwise it doesn’t matter how many times you are told to go for a walk and eat some broccoli.

It may be that you need to discuss this issue with a sensible person that you trust in order to make progress with your wellbeing. Having said this, here are a few questions you can ponder to get you thinking more about barriers to better self-care:

  • What emotions might you experience if you put more time into self-care?
  • Why do you think you would experience those particular emotions?
  • What do these emotions say about your attitude to self-care?
  • What would have to change in your life to result in more time given to your wellbeing?
  • How might the wellbeing of the person you support be negatively affected if you spent more time looking after yourself?
  • What would be the worse thing someone could say about you as a carer? How does that influence your self-care?

 The Bottom Line

Carer wellbeing matters, both to the quality of life of the carer, and the wellbeing of the loved one that the carer supports. To cope with the huge challenges brought about by cancer, you need to be thinking of self-care strategies that are positive and sustainable over the long-term. If you fall over, both you and the person you care for will find things even tougher. Thinking about barriers to self-care can be a useful way to better understand your current approach to your health, and how you can improve it.

Jason is a clinical psychologist with a special interest working with people and their carers affected by chronic illness and disability. He also supported his wife through cancer. He runs his practice in Surrey. See more at www.jasonspendelow.com

To join our Shine Plus One Facebook group, click here. To join the mailing list for Shine Plus One events, please email plusone@shinecancersupport.org.

 

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Looking for a job after cancer

In the second of two blog posts on looking for work after cancer, recruitment consultant Ash Holmes answers some of the questions that were put to him via our private Facebook group. If you’re looking for work, make sure to check out his original post too. And good luck!


 

How should I deal with gaps in my CV? I don’t want the time I took off for treatment etc. to be seen as a red flag to an employer.working after cancer

This is probably the hardest question to answer as there are so many variables, and it will depend on your individual circumstances and how open you wish to be.

If you’re returning from a career break, no matter how long or short, it is best to at least address it in some way on your CV. Don’t leave it up to the individual reading your CV to wonder and draw their own conclusions.

Depending on how open you plan to be, simply putting ‘career break due to personal reasons, happy to discuss during a call/interview’ could be enough to stop a potential employer from wondering and instead focus on the rest of your CV and application.

Wording here is very important! As a reader, the difference between ‘personal issues’ and ‘personal reasons’ is huge. Try to think carefully about any language you use and avoid sounding negative. Ask for a second opinion, and get someone else to read through your CV.

If you do not want to talk about your reasons for having a break, then simply putting ‘career break’ with the relevant dates is still better than leaving a gap. By being transparent and addressing any empty spaces head-on, it stops any reader from trying to guess what’s happened. This is your chance to ‘control’ the reader’s impression.

Most recruiters and hiring managers will make a quick judgement about a CV, and finding an extended gap between dates is often one of the first things that they will want to ask about. Bearing that in mind, it’s important for you to be able to provide a reason for the career break, even if you are not going to talk about cancer. People take career breaks for a number of reasons, including: concentrating on family/a hobby or passion, feeling they have achieved everything they wanted and needing time to consider the next step, the end of a contract, or a change in circumstances (professional or personal) that meant they did not want to rush into a new position.

Where can I find good examples of CVs for different types of jobs?

For all CVs, there are core principles to be followed:

  • Make it clear and easy to read (do not try and fill every bit of white space with boxes of text)
  • Be concise (the ‘two pages’ rule is a good guideline, but it’s only a guideline!)
  • Make sure the content is relevant to the position you are applying for (you might need to create a few different versions of your CV)
  • Make sure key information is clear and well positioned (name and contact details at the top)
  • Don’t be afraid to use bold, underline, italics, or bullet points to emphasise information
  • Triple-check for grammar and spelling – and ask a friend to check it
  • If you are speaking to a recruitment consultant, ask for their advice

It’s useful also to consider the standards in your industry. A web designer might create their own website with examples of their previous work, for example, or a graphic designer might have a portfolio.

If you have recommendations on LinkedIn, you might want to include a link to your profile in your CV. If you are wondering how to ask for recommendations on LinkedIn, one of the most effective ways is to complete a recommendation for someone else. Once accepted, they might complete one without asking. Alternatively, explain that you are returning to work and that you would really appreciate a recommendation.LinkedIn

Professional CV writers do exist, but I would be very wary about paying anyone money. You will likely receive similar advice to that which you can already find online. The majority of job boards also have blog posts and CV templates readily available.

You can find a sample of my CV at the end of this blog.

Should I mention my cancer in an interview? What’s the best approach to mentioning time off without scaring employers?

First of all, it’s important to note that you are not obliged to disclose a cancer diagnosis and it is actually illegal for an employer to ask about your health in an interview. Once you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, you’re covered by the Equalities Act 2010 which provides legal protection against discrimination relating to employment, including during the recruitment process.

Having said that, whether you want to mention your cancer diagnosis is your choice. Personally, I think you need to focus on why you are the right person for the job, what you can bring, and how it will be beneficial for the employer/hiring manager. If you are going to discuss your illness, it is probably better to bring it up in person, during a later stage interview. Here, you can gauge a potential employers’ reaction and reassure them of your capability to do the role – and by this point, you already have your foot in the door. You can also control the conversation by providing relevant information and answering any questions.

When your cancer experience is relevant to your job and could be beneficial (in that it provides a useful perspective), how should you bring it up? I don’t want to present a sob story!

Dream jobIf you feel something is relevant and it will help you to be better at your job… mention it! Sell your strengths/experiences. Here is where a cover letter on an initial application might be the right approach. Just saying ‘I’ve had cancer’ isn’t enough: you need to explain why and how that will make you better at the job.

If you think your cancer experience could provide you with a ‘competitive advantage’ over other candidates, then maximise it! Don’t discount your experience and what you’ve learned through it.

Should I Google myself when I’m looking for work? Will an employer do this? What kind of stuff do they look for?

Some employers will carry out a Google search and social media check, and some won’t. It will often depend on the type of role and industry. Is the role public-facing, for example? Does it involve work with young or vulnerable people? It is always best to be on the safe side and use common sense. Here is where a professional profile, such as LinkedIn, can help you to present the best impression.

For some roles, employers will carry out police background checks, but they must ask your permission before doing this.

If you are concerned about your online image, there are often ways to make your social media profiles private. Do a quick Google search to find out how to do this for each specific platform. Many teachers, for example, change their name on social media to make it harder for pupils or parents to find them.

What’s the best way to look for a new job? Should I go online? What can a recruiter offer me?

The best approach is to combine online and offline activity. Reach out to former colleagues, friends, and acquaintances – anyone in your network who may be able to help. Hiring managers are more willing to talk on the phone or offer an interview after a personal recommendation, and if you talk to people you know then you may also hear about jobs before they have been advertised online. The process can feel less formal and more relaxed, helping you to demonstrate your skills and ability.

A huge part of the recruitment process is online, with a drive to make the process automated in many industries. Job boards are the best place to start. There are several main boards that cover a number of industries and experience levels (Indeed, CV Library, Total Jobs, Jobsite, Reed, and Monster). Alongside these are more specialised job boards. Do a Google (other search engines are available) search to find yours.

A large proportion of recruitment agencies and employers are now posting their roles on LinkedIn, so make sure you set up an account and take look.

Remember that applying via a job board or careers website is just the first stage. To stand out, it is important to follow-up via a call or email. Don’t be afraid to use social media to your advantage: if you know the hiring manager’s or recruiter’s name, add them on LinkedIn. Or ask the company for an update via Twitter!

Unfortunately, now that we have automation and most recruitment processes are online, receiving a generic rejection email is common. From May 2018, the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) comes into force. This means that you can request any application to be reviewed by a human instead of through automation.

Contacting a recruiter can be a great way to learn more about market conditions, industry-specific job boards, suitable roles, realistic earning potential, and which employers are more flexible with employees than others. The key to building a relationship with a recruiter is to do your research and make sure that they are working in the relevant industry to you.

A word of caution though: recruiters are sales people. Some will be very helpful and answer your questions, but others won’t – especially if they do not feel that they will be able to place you into a role.

Feel free to contact me on LinkedIn to see if I can recommend a recruiter based on your career goals/background.

Ash Holmes has spent the last seven years working in the recruitment industry. As well as working with thousands of candidates, Ash has created and delivered employability training to college students and individuals who are not in work, education or employment.  Ash has placed candidates with organisations as varied as Red Bull, Olympus KeyMed, Tottenham Hotspur, and Red Gate Software. He is more than happy to answer any follow-up questions and connect on LinkedIn.

Here’s a sample CV – Ashley Holmes

Borough, London, SE1

E: example@e.com. M: +44 (0) 00000 0000000

L: http://linkedin.com/in/ashholmes14

An experienced operations and marketing professional with over 7 years’ experience within the recruitment industry. Looking for a role and organisation to be able to continue my development, expand my experience and match my ambition. I have recently returned from spending a month in North America and am now looking for a new role.

I bring a wide range of experience and skills to the role including:

  • Strategy
  • Communication
  • Change management
  • Systems and process
  • Project management
  • Marketing & social media, including ress
  • Internal recruitment
  • Third-party management (suppliers, etc.)
  • Sales & account management
  • Training

As part of my personal development I completed a Level 6 Diploma in Professional Marketing from the Chartered Institute of Marketing in January 2017. The Diploma has helped me to understand the role that marketing plays within business, study key business-focused modules including Change Management, and to view marketing from a much more strategic position.

Employment History

Etonwood Ltd. (UK)

September 2017 – November 2017

Operations Director

Brought in to put in place the systems, process, and policies to help the organisation double in size. Implemented:

  • Trainee & senior attraction & interview process
  • On-boarding process & creation of ‘Welcome to Etonwood’ book
  • Mapped career progression & formalised job descriptions
  • Put in place appraisal process based on the above
  • First stages of GDPR policy
  • Created brand guidelines
  • Created social media strategy & reached over 100,000 LinkedIn impressions from 0
  • Put in place all health and safety policies

Raw Talent Academy Ltd. (UK)

May 2011 – August 2017

Operations, Marketing & Recruitment Manager

Joined as first full-time employee. The role evolved as the organisation grew to include marketing, operations, and finally managing the recruitment team.

Key Responsibilities:

  • Member of the Senior Management Team providing input on company-wide strategy
  • Creation & implementation of Marketing strategy to drive B2B lead generation & candidate attraction in line with company objectives
  • Marketing & Operations budget
  • Management of team of three recruitment consultants & one administrator – increased delivery from 73% (H1 2016) to 123% (H2 2016)
  • Account-managed two key accounts
  • Project-managed rebrand and launch of new website (launched 2017)
  • Project-managed development of a Digital Recruitment Assessment tool (SiD Digital)
  • Management of IT & processes, including: CRM/ATS, Office365, Data Recovery, IT support
  • Managed key external/supplier relationships (CRM, developers, graphic design, video creation, job boards)
  • Contracts, terms and policies (employee contracts, Health & Safety, etc.)
  • Press releases & award entries – existing relationships with recruitment industry journalists and publications, as well as some national publications.

Key Skills:

  • Microsoft Office
  • Adobe Photoshop, InDesign
  • iMovie
  • Basic HTML

 

MarketMaker4 (UK)

Technology Company

March 2011 – May 2011

Consultant

 

Travelling in Australia

January 2010 – February 2011

 

RightNow Technologies Inc. (Australia)

International Information Technology Company

April – December 2009

Assistant to Marketing Manager APAC / Business Development Representative APAC

Key Responsibilities:

  • The building and purging of customer and prospect databases to ensure the correct contact is listed along with correct contact details
  • Arranging and organising events for, and in partnership with, the Marketing Manager to ensure customers and prospects have a positive customer experience at the events
  • Helped in the development of and provided feedback regarding Marketing campaigns so that they have the maximum impact and highest response rates
  • Engaging with customers and prospects in the run-up to company events to encourage attendance
  • Identifying and contacting prospect and target accounts to create business opportunities

Foodnet Ltd. (UK)

International Food Trading and Production Company

June 2008 – March 2009

Purchasing and Sales Admin

Education

The Chartered Institute of Marketing (UK)

November 2015 – January 2017

Level 6 Diploma in Professional Marketing

Modules; Strategic Marketing, Marketing Metrics, Driving Innovation

Chesham High School (UK)

September 2006 – April 2008

3 A-Levels A-D

Amersham School (UK)

September 2001 – June 2006

9 GCSE’s A-C

Interests

Sport and music are my two main passions. I am a keen runner and have completed three marathons to date (London, Paris and Nice to Cannes). I also regularly attend live music.

References available on request.

 

Tips for looking for a job after cancer

Looking for a job can be daunting at the best of times, let alone after you’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness. At Shine, we know that work is hugely important to younger adults (not least because we need the cash), and we’ve got some really useful resources on our website.  But to help you further, this is the first of two recruitment blogs that Shine is publishing. Part one below provides insight into the recruitment process, while the second part (to be published in a couple of weeks) answers questions from the Shine community. We are very grateful to Ash Holmes for providing his insight and expertise! If you’d like to learn more or connect with him, please see the end of this blog.


Applying for a job and going through a recruitment process can be a daunting prospect at the best of times, let alone when returning from a career break or asking for flexible working. But the key is to demonstrate the skills, experience, knowledge, and therefore value you can bring to the role and organisation. Always ask yourself, ‘how can I add value to the role/company?’ and make sure that you articulate this to the hiring manager/recruiter.

Looking for a new role can be a job in itself. The candidates who tailor their CV and approach to go the extra mile will often be more successful – maybe not because they were the best fit, but because they demonstrated desire, passion, and the relevance of their skills, experience, and knowledge.

Going the extra mile doesn’t have to be complicated:

  • Call the company/recruiter before submitting your application. You might have to try for a few days! Find out the name of the person in charge of this position, and ask for their phone number or email. Ask them what will make an application stand out. What are the key challenges for the company that this role will solve? Most importantly, try to build a relationship and be memorable so that they recognise your name/CV!
  • Tailor the opening paragraph of your CV to name the company and role, highlighting the three key skills/experiences that make you suitable. Don’t be afraid to use bold text or underline to make your point.
  • After applying via a job board or website, follow up directly. Calling is generally best (remember, especially when you don’t know someone, it’s easier to build a relationship based on a conversation). If you’re struggling to call or feeling anxious, at the very least drop them an email to see how things are going.

One of the concerns I’ve heard a lot from people in Shine is how to deal with the question of cancer when applying for jobs. I asked my network on LinkedIn what they thought, and some of the responses are below. While this approach won’t be for everyone and talking openly about cancer is not easy (or legally required!), I hope these positive responses provide encouragement to you all.

  • “Personally I don’t like to see unexplained gaps in a CV but I don’t understand why any employer would be put off by the fact a candidate had survived cancer – which, in my mind, demonstrates physical and mental resilience and resourcefulness.  Don’t hide it be, proud of what you have achieved.”
  • “I know a young man who is currently under treatment for leukaemia and is being supported by his girlfriend. The courage, fortitude, tenacity and emotional resilience both of them are showing is a wonder to behold and fills me with admiration. They are both in their 20s and at the early stages of their respective careers. My advice would be not to put a career gap on your CV but to address it head-on and explain to the prospective employer what you have learned and how you have changed as a result of the experience.”

And speaking of networks, have you thought about how you can ask yours to help? Taking some time to map your network might just help you to find your ideal career. Candidates referred to organisations often secure an interview quicker and easier than candidates who apply via job boards or online.

LinkedIn was created specifically to connect with your business network, but Facebook might also provide job opportunities. If you do not have a LinkedIn profile I would recommend creating one and using their tools to connect with any contacts in your Facebookphone book, email address book, or at previous companies. I was recently looking for a new role myself and secured two interviews off the back of posting an updated on LinkedIn saying I am looking.  ASTRiiD, is also worth looking at.  It’s a new charity that links businesses with individuals with long-term health conditions; it’s fairly new but it’s growing and it’s definitely worth checking out for part-time or short-term roles. LinkedIn

Now for some reality. Unfortunately, not every organisation or recruitment company has the best process in place, and that means that you need to be resilient. You will not hear back from some, you will not receive specific feedback about why it is a ‘no’, and you will get frustrated. However, try to stay positive, focused and determined. Setting goals for what you want to achieve each day/week can help to keep you focused – whether that is roles applied for, hiring managers spoken to, or interviews secured.

I recommend creating a simple spreadsheet or list of each role you apply for. This will help you to be proactive in following up with a company, so you stand out from the competition. Too many candidates simply click ‘apply’ to as many roles as possible and never follow up. Be different, be memorable!

You might want to set up your spreadsheet like this:

Role Company Date applied Contact name, number, email Last update
Marketing Exec Tesco 12/12/2017 Dave Smith, 07700111222 Spoke on phone, Dave will come back to me this week

 

For more on looking for a job post-cancer, stay tuned! Our second blog will be out in two weeks!

Ash Holmes has spent the last seven years working in the recruitment industry. As well as working with thousands of candidates, Ash has created and delivered employability training to college students and individuals who are not in work, education or employment.  Ash has placed candidates with organisations as varied as Red Bull, Olympus KeyMed, Tottenham Hotspur, and Red Gate Software. He is more than happy to answer any follow-up questions and connect on LinkedIn.

Escaping in 2018!

Every year in January, we escape! Since 2014, Shine has run a Great Escape in Bournemouth. We’ve had amazing feedback over the years from all of our “Escapees” – young adults with cancer who tell us that over the 3.5 days that they’re together that they make life-long friends.  One of our 2018 Escapees, Rosie, has written about her experiences. Want to learn more? Read on! And if you’re interested, we’ll be opening applications for our brand new Manchester Escape in May!


IMG_0451When I was asked to write this blog about my recent experience at the Escape I had to think about my answer for a little while. The first blog that I wrote for Shine nearly a year and a half ago (just a couple of months after my diagnosis) had, looking back on it, a naively positive tone to it. At that time, as far as I could see, my diagnosis and treatment had a beginning, a middle and an end – upon which I would happily return to my old life and then climb Kilimanjaro (as you do).

Well, anyone who has lived with cancer for a while knows that cancer never really leaves you and that you have to go through a period of grieving for your old life and adjusting to a new normal. In my case, my medical team are unsure if my breast cancer has spread to my spine or not and I am therefore now on treatment indefinitely.

My body and my mind have been through a lot and with that I stepped back from blogging because I didn’t feel like I had anything very positive to write about. I didn’t want to be one of those whingeing cancer patients just going on about how sh*t everything is. But the truth is it is sh*t and that’s ok. And it’s also probably a bit more relatable than sickening positivity!

So, I found myself writing this blog and in the process of trying to come up with a catch title, I Googled ‘Escape’ and the first definition that came up was ‘break free’. It made me think of a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly which is kind of how I think of myself before and after the Escape.Blog 1

When the opportunity came to apply for the Escape, there was never any question in my mind that I was absolutely going to apply. Those I knew who had been before hadn’t stopped raving about it and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is a wonderful thing!

I was so excited when my spot was confirmed and I couldn’t wait to meet all of the other “Escapees”. I was pleased to find that I already knew some of them from Shine Camp. A private Facebook group was set up and we were also all asked to submit a picture and a short bio so that we could start getting to know each other before the big day came. This was also really useful for people who were anxious about attending because they were able to share their fears online and everybody was really supportive in return.

It took me a whole 6 minutes to arrive at The Grove Hotel in Bournemouth (I live locally), which is an awesome place for cancer patients and those with life threatening illnesses. As a group, we took over the whole hotel and brought the average age of their usual guests down significantly! The hotel staff were great and seem to enjoy this annual event which is now in its 5th year. The on-call nurse sometimes even doubles up as a bartender….nothing if not efficient!

There were about 30 of us in total including Shine staff, volunteers, and peer supporters.

Blog 2

The 2018 Escapees and peer supporters before the hike

After collecting our awesome goody bags we were ready to get started. The next few days were a full on mixture of laughing, crying, information gathering, team building, soul-searching, sharing epic-ness. We had entered into a safe bubble and at the end of it, although we were all mentally and physically exhausted, no-one wanted to leave and go back into the real world.

“Life changing”, “one of the best weekends of my life”, “four of the most exhausting but brilliant days I have ever experienced”, “fantastic”, “fabulous” “wonderful”, “amazing”, “incredible”, and “uplifiting” are just some of the words that were used in our post-Escape WhatsApp group to describe the weekend. If that doesn’t encourage you to apply for next year’s Escape, I’m not sure what will!

There were a number of workshops run at the Escape. One of them was titled ‘Debunking myths’ and I think this Russell Howard video sums it up quite nicely!

Another session was called ‘Living with Cancer’. Working in groups, we were encouraged to write down all of the things that we have lost due to cancer….needless to say that those pages were full very quickly and we could have carried on. Some common themes were dignity, confidence, friends, family, control, independence, future, certainty. Is it any wonder that so many of us experience some form of depression, anxiety and/or PTSD following diagnosis? There was ‘on the ground’ emotional support offered by both professionals and peer supporters for the entire weekend and hints, tips and signposting to other organisations given for the longer term. This session was the inspiration for my #onewordforcancer on World Cancer Day.

It is brilliant to have been able to bond with so many other young people who know what it’s like to pick our way through this cancer minefield. Humour is a really important coping mechanism and there was plenty of that in evidence at the Escape. Some of us also decided we should all carry red and yellow cards for those people in our life who get us down!

Saturday night brought with it the opportunity to let our hair (if it had grown back) down, thanks to a photo booth and karaoke provided by the awesome peer supporter Richard.

Blog 4

Photo booth

We were also honoured with a visit from our very own superhero Smash-It Man spreading his #smashitforshine mission. It really did have to be seen to be believed!

Smashit

Smash it for Shine Man made an appearance!

Sunday involved a fun warm up, some stones (can’t give away all the secrets but mine involved guilt and being kind to myself) and a trek to Hengistbury Head. The Escape is offered free of charge to attendees but it costs approximately £1000 per person to put on, so the hike is a sponsored event to help pay for attendees next year. It’s not too late to sponsor us here. 

Before the weekend was up, there was just enough time to tell the person next to us what we appreciated about them. I was told that they appreciated my resilience in the face of changing goal posts which really meant a lot to me. Just today my oncologist said that it would be against medical advice to climb Kilimanjaro. But fear not those of you who have helped me raise an incredible amount for Shine because there are other options on the table! Watch this space….

It was then not goodbye but more like “see you later” because Shine are organising a reunion for all five years of Escapees in March.

Blog6

Shelli was promised extra sponsorship if she did the hike in a Scully onesie. Done!

I would just like to take this opportunity on behalf of all of my cohort to say a massive thank you to all the staff and volunteers who are involved in this event. We know that so much behind-the-scenes stuff goes on and we really are forever grateful. Special mention to Christopher who stepped down as a peer supporter this year but remains as Chair of the Board of Trustees and an invaluable asset to the charity.

(Thank you also to everyone who let me use your photos, sorry I couldn’t fit them all in! xx)

Rosie is a member of Shine’s Dorset Network and was a 2018 Escapee. 

Shine and ASTRiiD – a new way of connecting people with cancer with flexible employers

Here at Shine, working after cancer has always been a core part of the work that we do. We’ve long been aware that our Shine community is full of talented people who are often un- or under-employed because of a cancer diagnosis or treatment. That’s why we were delighted to meet David and Steve Shutts, the brains behind a new initiative called ASTRiiD which aims to pair up people living with cancer who need flexible or part-time work, with companies that need talented people but don’t need them 9 to 6pm in an office. It’s win-win!

The ASTRiiD team have written a blog below which we’re delighted to share. Over the coming months we’ll be partnering with them as they launch ASTRiiD and begin connecting people with cancer with some great companies. If you want to know more, pop on over to their website or follow our Facebook or Twitter for updates!

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The choice of career available to most school leavers today is simply staggering compared to David Shutts’s own experience 35 years ago. For him, it was a life in the armed forces that beckoned, so he joined the Royal Navy aged 20 and became a Marine Engineer Officer where he served on a dozen different ships and travelled large parts of the world.

Aged 45, he thought it was time for a second career, this time in industry, and he was enjoying his professional life. Then suddenly, he was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer. Incurable and inoperable, this diagnosis set the course for what will be David’s newest stage of life. Now, two years after his diagnosis, David is pioneering a project that will transform the lives of thousands of fellow cancer patients across the UK.

working after cancer

ASTRiiD Co-founder, David Shutts

“There is only one way to approach this situation” David suggests, “and that is to make the most of every day available. It’s a bum deal but that’s what it is. Accept it and get on with making the most of what’s left.”

And this is why David has founded a project he calls ASTRiiD.

ASTRiiD aims to connect people who have long-term illnesses, but who also have plenty of skills and experience, with businesses that need an injection of talent and expertise.

“Holding down a permanent job can be a massive challenge for people with cancer and other serious health problems,” said David. “Yet many people still want – and need – to work. And don’t think, just because you’re young, that you don’t have what’s needed. I can assure you that there are many businesses out there where the ability to learn counts just as much as any formal qualification.”

ASTRiiD, which stands for Available Skills for Training, Refreshing, Improvement, Innovation and Development, is underpinned by technology from the IT partner, Salesforce. “ASTRIID epitomises modern commerce; there are no long winded application forms – we are doing everything on line through our website and are proud to be working alongside a leader in this field”.

working after cancer

ASTRiiD logo

As well as providing heavily discounted licences to run the website, Salesforce (which is also supporting Shine) has pulled together a pro bono team to help David deliver the project.

“I call the members of this community the ‘Invisible Talent Pool’ as currently they are invisible to business and business is invisible to them. Through ASTRiiD I want to make the invisible visible.”

“By helping people find meaningful work, we hope to be able to boost an individual’s self-esteem and self-confidence.”

The demand side of ASTRiiD is provided by the UK skills gap, the term given to address how companies struggle to find the right people with the skills, experience and attitude they need to grow their business.

“There is a vast demand for skills out there. Our business landscape is dominated by micro-, small – and medium-sized businesses, all of whom at some point will need help to let them grow and prosper.”

“I speak from experience,” says David, “without question my health has deteriorated over the last two and half years since my diagnosis in May 2015.  But working on ASTRiiD and keeping busy has helped m maintain my mojo and my feeling of self worth and I know I’m in a much better place as a result of having meaningful work than I would have been if I’d had nothing to keep my mind and body active.”

“The beauty of ASTRiiD is that with the right connections we are supporting individual members, UK business and making sure that we stop ignoring a huge community of talented people.”

“That’s got to be the right course to steer.” says David.

Please take a look at ASTRiiD’s website for more information. You’ll be able to register and summarise your talent and experience and, importantly, let employers know just how much work you can manage). ASTRiiD’s matching process will then look to find those roles that you are best suited to, always keeping you in control of the communication so that you are only made ‘visible’ when you are ready.

For more information about work and cancer, make sure to read Shine’s previous blogs and watch our videos with Working after Cancer

 

 

 

How pets can help you cope with cancer

When the going gets ruff, the woofs get going: How pets help us to cope with cancer

Sarah Carlin (33) who has small bowel cancer and lives in Liverpool, explores how Shine members’ furry Florence Nightingales are helping them live better with cancer…


I’ve been dealing with cancer since 2013. It’s as about as much fun as it sounds.

During a particularly dark period recently, I realised that one of the few things capable of raising a genuine smile was my dog Elsie, a Cairns/Yorkie cross with about nine teeth and breath like the bottom of a fishing trawler.

My 50th attempt at taking a selfie with Elsie

Sarah and Elsie

I then remembered all the other times that pets had helped me through. Pre-diagnosis, when I would spend hours lying in bed, throwing up industrial amounts of green bile into a washing-up bowl, my mum’s cat Flo – who, it has to be said, would probably at that stage not have said hello to me in the street if she were human – would come to my bedroom and gently knead me with her little paws. When I was feeling better again, she’d get back to blanking me. During chemo, our family dog Bunk – a rescue Staffie cross who definitely missed his calling as a late 90s emo – would come up to my room and lay a heavy black paw on my stomach, as if to say “I understand”.

With a hunch that I wasn’t the only one being looked after by my pets in this way, I asked the Shine community about their own experiences with furry friends in Shine’s closed Facebook group. It quickly turned into a love-fest about all things on four legs, for the following reasons:

1. They’re a reason to get out of bed (and the house)

Alison's SuzyQ

SuzyQ

Owning a pet dog is like having a weird hybrid of a physical therapist, life coach and in-house dirty-protestor. Crippled by fatigue? So depressed you don’t want to get out of bed? Struggling after a big operation? They don’t want to hear it. They want you out of those PJs and taking them round the block, stat, or they won’t be responsible for the consequences. And they can’t promise that those consequences won’t be coming via their digestive system either. And even pets that don’t need to be walked – like cats and rabbits – need to be fed and watered.

 

The positive impact that this responsibility has can’t be

Fran's George

George

understated. One Shine member, Julie, remembered that her dog Izzy helped her recovery from an operation for bowel cancer by getting her active again just seven days after surgery. Fran, diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukaemia at 29, said her cat George was her “reason for getting out of bed every day, no matter how rubbish [she feels].” And Alison, who had treatment for breast cancer recalled that her cat SuzyQ gave her “a sense of purpose and unconditional companionship”.

2. You can share in their joy – without the complicated feelings

When you have cancer, especially as a younger person, you often feel disassociated from your peers. It’s great spending time with your friends, but sometimes it’s tough seeing the life you could have been living if the C-bomb hadn’t been dropped on you. You know, having babies, having hair, being able to get travel insurance without selling a kidney (which nobody would want to buy anyway, obvs) or just being able to plan something in three months’ time without factoring in worst-case-scenario scan results. Basically, whatever you’re doing, whoever you’re with, cancer is there in the background like a sinister ostinato, reminding you that life isn’t as you hoped it would be – something that can be really destructive to your relationships and your state of mind.

How pets can help you cope with cancer

Your interactions with pets will carry no such baggage, however. You can truly be in the moment and share in their enthusiasm for life, whether that’s chasing a ball, trying to swallow a piece of cake whole or their absolute joy when you walk through the door after-surely-abandoning-them-forever (a.k.a. going to the shops for half an hour). You can share in their perfectly mundane triumphs with no complicated feelings. Unless, say, you had a real love for Chappie dog food but ate too much after a chemotherapy session once and now you’ve gone right off it. Or you used to love chasing mice but your oncologist has told you to knock it on the head because it’s an infection risk.

3. They bring the lols

How pets can help you cope with cancer

Elsie makes me laugh every day, whether through her world-class meerkat impression, her iron will or the fact that whenever we walk past the British Legion, she always, inexplicably, tries to go in (FFS Elsie, you’re barred!). And I’m not alone. Lisa, who has bone cancer, said her little dog Coco “brings a smile to my face every day…brings happiness and makes every day worth living.” And Christine, who has bowel cancer, said that her bunnies, Marigold and Juniper, “always make me smile even if I’m feeling awful.”

Christine's Marigold & Coco

Marigold and Juniper

 

4. They really care

I was blown away by the number of people in our Facebook who shared stories of the TLC given to them by their pets. There were dogs trying to ease painful legs, horses sensing when their owner was having a bad day and amazingly, given the fact that they have reputation for being the haughtiest of the household pets, an awful lot of very caring cats who would be a real asset to the NHS.

Lyndsey, who has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, remembered that her kitten, Stinky – who she adopted during treatment – would carefully settle into the crook of the arm that didn’t have a PICC line in it and purr her to sleep. Another Shiny, Jo, who has metastatic breast cancer said that her “Bichon baby” Pixie who “curls up with me in bed when I feel poorly and keeps the cuddles coming when I feel low” helps her cope with her situation.

Jo's Pixie

Pixie

5. Sometimes, it seems they can perform their very own PET scans (boom!)

One thing I wasn’t expecting when I put my post up was the number of people who had stories about their pet appearing to try to alert them to the fact they had cancer. Tracey remembered that her cat would always lie on the breast that had cancer pre-diagnosis. Anne’s dogs Buster and Lucky started to repeatedly snuggle into her left armpit, which prompted her to do a self-check and find a lump that was eventually diagnosed as aggressive triple negative breast cancer. And one of Danielle’s dogs kept digging on her leg so much that it prompted her to go to the doctor in case she had some sort of infection. It was actually a chondrosarcoma. That animals can sniff out cancer is actually a recognised phenomenon; some sharp-nosed pets are already being used to assess urine tests in the NHS. You can read more about the science behind it here.

We loved talking about our animals and I’m so glad that I – and so many other Shine members – have pets that are helping us through some very tough times. Here’s to a very furry Christmas and a yappy New Year!

PS We couldn’t fit all the pet photos that were submitted into this story. But they’re below if you want a quick look at the Shine Super Pets!

Lost and found: Friendship after cancer

Life isn’t easy if you’re a young adult with cancer.  So many things – work, family, energy levels and that sense of invincibility – change all at once. One thing that most of us would like to think is that our friends (especially the close ones) will stand by and step up when they’re needed.

But what if you’ve got cancer and a friend ghosts you? In our latest blog, one of our Shine members, Catherine, shares a letter she wrote to a someone who was a close friend before cancer, but who disappeared once her diagnosis was confirmed. Take a read, share, and do let us know what you think.


Dear person who was my friend before cancer,

We were so close. Together we drank tea and wine, exercised, and chewed the cud over life, the universe and everything. We knew each other’s secrets. We cried together. So naturally you were one of the first people I told about my diagnosis seven months ago.

Since then, you’ve pretty much disappeared. Daily messaging has morphed silently into monthly texts, and the message is always prefaced with “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, I’ve been so busy….”. You might ask how I am, you might not. Occasionally you’ve suggested you might have time next month – but you never follow up and actually book something in. On the few occasions I’ve asked directly for help, you’ve been too busy.

friendships after cancer

Catherine with her two children

You once said to me “I know I haven’t been around much, but this is a long road, and when your help has tailed off, I’ll be there”. For months I believed this. I imagined you were waiting until you had time to do something ‘big’, something equal to the size of the heap of shite I am going through at the moment. I know you’re a perfectionist and I thought maybe you were just holding on until you found the time to deliver the perfect care package. But here I am, almost at the end of chemo, and I’m still waiting.

Other people have stepped up incredibly. People I hardly know have brought us food, taken the kids out, sent messages, diarised my chemo dates so they always remember to send a note. These are people with jobs and/or one, two or three kids, they are chief executives, teachers, full-time mums, opera singers…. busy people…. but somehow they have found time. My overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude and humility. But still, there’s you.

Actually, I don’t need you to have done any specific thing. I’ve had so much support it’s been amazing ,and most gaps have been filled. During the low moments of chemo, when I’ve thought about telling you how I feel, I imagine you asking what you should have done, and the things that pop into my mind sound so petty – why didn’t you just pop round for a cup of tea? Ask me if I needed anything when you went shopping? Waited for me on the school run so we could walk together? But it isn’t the absence of any of these things in particular. It’s the absence of all of them. It’s that I thought that you cared, that you would be there, that you had my back, and it makes me so sad that you don’t.

I’ve tried so hard to understand why; many people have suggested that perhaps my diagnosis is just too scary for you to deal with. But I know you and you don’t shy away from tough situations; if anything you seek them out. Now I’ve given up trying to work it out. It doesn’t matter. I won’t be able to trust you again, and I don’t blame cancer for that. This dumb disease may have created the situation but you chose how to respond to it. You chose to let your addiction to being busy dictate your priorities and to leave me at the bottom of the list when I needed you most. These days I struggle to even read your Facebook updates – it’s an important part of your life and you use it a lot – because it feels like out of the half hour you choose to spend on there each day, you could have taken 30 seconds out to drop me a text.

Other people, those who have rallied round, will be new friends and I rejoice in their love and support. But I’m still sad and angry that you chose to leave me. I hope if I’ve learned one thing from having cancer, it will be how not to make the same mistake.

Catherine

Catherine says she “rants a lot on Facebook to my poor captive audience but this is my first blog!” (we thank her for sharing it!).  Catherine is a secondary school teacher who was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer. She has two children. 

If you’d like to chat to other young adults with cancer, why not join a Shine Network meet up, or our private Facebook group? For more info on Shine, visit our website